unedited

“I’m not worried……. I was just wondering what to talk about today.”

“You talk about anything like you’re talking to a friend.”

The little child said it wasn’t a big deal, but I had more trouble with it.

“With friends… What do you talk about?”

“It’s the same. What are you interested in these days, or what is fun? We usually talk like that.” .

I know that! So what’s the point of talking about that to Father? I want to have a more conversational conversation!

The little child kept talking about useless things, so I felt sulky. I thought she was smart, but I guess not. I thought I had asked the little child something she didn’t even know well.

“Do you want to tell a special story that will catch the Grand Duke’s eyes?”

It was then. Only then did the words I want to hear come out of the little child’s mouth.

“Of course!”

“Do you want to show the Grand Duke the image of a smart and reliable son by talking about difficult things?”

“Yes. I want to.”

The little child pointed it out clearly. So I had no choice but to admit the feelings I tried to ignore. I also want to be recognized by Father. I shouted no because I didn’t want to get hurt, but I actually want to be a son Father is proud of.

So I waited for the little child’s next words. Will there be a story I can use?

“I think that’s possible. By the way, do you want to be useful to the Grand Duke? Are you not his son?”

What does she mean by this? With the little child’s coercion, emotions rose up. But before I could say anything, the little child spoke quickly.

“It would be nice just to be seen in the Grand Duke’s eyes. But if that happens, I think it will be difficult to become a proper father-and-son.”

What are you talking about! She had an interesting conversation with Father, who likes useful people, but why is it so hard to be a proper father and son? If I am smart, Father will like me. If I’m considered smart, he’ll pay more attention!

“Why? Father… prefers people who are useful. Last time it was you!”

I almost said something useless in the heat of my emotions. I hurriedly shut my mouth, but I couldn’t help the resentment. I even resented it even more when the little child who was recognized by Father, not someone else, said that.

Father smiled at the little child and praised her. Why can’t I when I get what I so desperately want?

“Right. The Grand Duke likes useful people.”

You know that!

“The difference between the Grand Duke and the Grand Prince is too far. In fact, you don’t look like a normal father-and-son.”

It hurt so much to be denied by others what I always wanted. At that moment, I couldn’t control my emotions and almost cried, so I strained my eyes and glared at the kid. How much do you know about the relationship between Father and me!

“Just because the Grand Duke likes someone who is capable, doesn’t mean he’s someone to get close with. Being friendly is different. Did the Grand Duke show me special affection because he found me useful? It’s not. There is a difference between being acknowledged for your abilities and getting close to them emotionally.”

“I know! I still want to be recognized!”

I know Father doesn’t treat you like a daughter! But I don’t even have that. I don’t even have that kind of interest.

“It is never too late to receive recognition later. We’re young.”

“I am not young.”

“No. we’re young. And there are things we can only do when we’re young.”

How can you call yourself young? I hated being treated like a child.

“Now is the age at which they can understand even if we’re not good at it, and they understand even if we’re a bit childish. These are things we can’t do later. You have to use this privilege to make friends with the Grand Duke personally now.”

“I won’t act childish! I’m the Grand Prince!”

Being young is a privilege, the little child tried to convince me with nonsense.

“Yes. I don’t know who’s loss it is, if they don’t get to know the Grand Duke because they don’t want to act childish.”

How could she say irresponsible things like that, what would Father do when he gets tired of childishness! I endured, saying I couldn’t be childish, but I couldn’t ignore the little child’s words casually.

And though spitefully, Father saw the little child better than me. Maybe the little child knows Father better than I do.