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âWow⌠⌠Yoon-woo, how can you live here with you being that tall?â
âLetâs move your refrigeratorâs contents right away,â said Hye-rim, who stormed into Yoon-wooâs room.
I didnât want to let her in my room because I knew sheâd say something like thatâŚâŚ
âItâs really hard for two people to get in.Just stretching out your hand a little touches the ceiling. I didnât even have to straighten my elbows⌠⌠.â
âItâs small,right? Then why donât you wait outside? Iâll get everything and meet you out.â
âNo, I would like to help you move your things around.â
When Hye-rim entered Yoon-wooâs cramped room, it was difficult for her to move.
I donât know what youâre looking for in this room.
Overcoats hanging haphazardly on chairs, books cluttered on the desk, garbage bags half full, and laundry baskets in the corner of the room.
You could look at everything in the room in about 10 seconds.
Still, Hye-rim looked around his room for a long while, making him wonder what she was looking for.
Except for the bed in Yoon-wooâs room, there was only one place where it was possible to sit. But, even that was difficult for one person to sit in, let alone lie down.
Two people came in such a place and walked around in front of the refrigerator, and each time they moved, their bodies would frequently rub against each other.
Every time Hye-rimâs long hair ruffled in the narrow room, the smell of the shampoo she used spread in the room, and her subtle body odor mixed with the smell of meat stimulated him.
Yoon-woo thought that it would be better if she would just go out and wait.
After all, she is a woman who should not come into a manâs room recklessly.
This space was too narrow to be called a room and too wide to be called a coffin. It had neither sunlight nor proper ventilation.
Yoon-woo was ashamed of the musty smell and wallpaper in the room which was discolored.
He tried hard to block her gaze so that she would not notice the laundry basket in the corner, but he couldnât stop feeling ashamed.
Because this room, where he lives, reflected on what kind of person he was.
âThere is only salad in the refrigerator⌠⌠But what is this in the freezer?â
âPork thighs. I bought a lot at once and kept it, but I thaw it occasionally and eat it.â
Thatâs true, but after the semester started, I was so busy with activities that I got tired whenever I got home so it was annoying to cook it which is why I just ate tuna.
âBy the way, why are tuna cans in the box?â
âItâs cheaper to buy in a box. I thought it would be like snacks but unfortunately once its lid is opened it has to be eaten completely or be frozen, so I just keep the unopened ones in the box.â
âOh my God⌠⌠How can you live like this? âŚI know, I canât⌠⌠.â
Hye-rim muttered with a worried tone.
âI like tuna, so itâs okay.â
âNo! Still, this isnât it. You open a can at every meal and eat it, what kind of cat are you? I heard that if you eat canned tuna too often, mercury builds up in your body⌠⌠. I will use this tuna somehow by making rice balls or whatever. Do not eat these for a while. Youâll eat something else.â
For him, who was about to die in three years, he didnât really care whether the mercury concentration in his body was high or low.
âStill, Hye-rim. Iâve limited expenses. And itâs not like you will be helping me financially, right?â
âThen donât buy those tuna cans anymore. Letâs use that money to buy other types of food. You said you were comfortable exchanging money like this, right?â
âUh⌠⌠That tuna is 1,200 won per piece? Iâll have to eat it this month anyway. So, Iâll do what you say from next month.â
âThen I will take those pork legs and tuna for this month. I will take care of the diet.â
âYou donât need to do that⌠⌠.â
âYoon-woo, even if I eat these food items, my calorie intake might be controlled, but eating a variety of foods is just as important. As I said before, if two people make a large amount and share it, they can eat a variety of meals at the same cost.â
However, doing so will increase Yoon-wooâs dependence on Hye-rim for life.
And Hye-rim wonât be able to eat whatever she wants.
Such a life cannot last long.
Obviously, Hye-rim will get tired of it and quit on the way, and Yoon-woo will only feel a sense of disappointment.
âThen, you wonât be able to eat what you want because of me, right? I love to eat everything that isnât expensive. I donât care because I usually eat very little. Letâs stop now. The way we eat and live is so different.â
âYoon-woo, will you please stop talking like that?â
âUh? Huh⌠⌠.â
I donât know why Hye-rimâs voice sounds so terrifying today.
âYou know that Iâm really going to get mad if you decline one more time,right? You donât have to say anything now. How will you plan your meal, you just have to think about it. Do you understand?â
âHuh⌠⌠. okay.â
Having said that, Yoon-woo could no longer refuse.
Youâre going to be really angry, even now, your voice is terrifying, but I donât know what youâre trying to do here.
The situation has become very bleak.
Itâs strange to keep going to Hye-rimâs house to eat, but it was clear that he had to leave the food expenses to Hye-rim, making a lot of trouble for her even if his financial debt didnât increase.
I donât know how the hell am I supposed to pay for this.
âOh, I almost forgot this. When is your lunch break on Tuesday and Thursday? Also, is Friday a public class?â
âLunch time is the same every day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, classes continue until 6:30 after lunch, and on Fridays, two-and-a-half hour lessons are held in the morning and afternoon.â
âThen all mealtimes are with me. Thank God⌠⌠. Huh? But wait. Isnât something strange?â
âHuh? what?â
âYoon-woo, are you taking 19 credits?â
âYeah, because Iâve been taking two courses worth 2 credits of the first-year compulsory liberal arts.â
âThen, isnât this the same as me as you take two courses on Mondays and Wednesdays with me, 6 credits for 2 courses,and 6 credits for 2 courses on Fridays, and 7 credits from lunch to dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays?â
âRight.â
âDidnât you tell me earlier that you have the first period tomorrow? According to that timetable, there is no class tomorrow morning?â
âUgh⌠⌠.â
I didnât know that she was sharp enough to calculate the timetable and grades in her head with the information I accidentally spilled.
âUgh, did you just lie to me again?â
âNo, that⌠âŚItâs because of that expensive wine⌠⌠Iâm sorry, Hye-rim.â
âYoon-woo is reallyâŚ..until the end⌠⌠. Iâm going to forget it this time, but from now on donât lie to me, Understand?â
âOkay. Iâll promise.â
âPinky promise.â
â⌠⌠Hun? Itâs embarrassing⌠⌠.â
âFinger. Give it to me. Quickly.â
âHuh⌠⌠.â
In the end, Yoon-woo, who even reached his pinky finger, was so embarrassed that his neck was red.
I never did anything like this when I was a kid⌠⌠Yoon-woo, who didnât want to show himself like that to her, quickly took the salad and tuna cans from the refrigerator and hurried out of the bedroom.
âYoon-woo, then, will you call me at lunch tomorrow?â
It was in front of Hye-rimâs house.
The luggage brought from Yoon-wooâs house was piled up in front of Hye-rimâs door.
Libertas Studio, where she lived, was built last year and had a clean and sophisticated feel.
It is a place where a college student like her would live.
âWouldnât it be better if I put everything in the refrigerator and go?â
âNo. For now just go back⌠⌠I canât show you the room.â
âAh⌠⌠. I see. The room must be near. Iâm so sorry that you have to move by yourself, but what should I do?â
âNo, itâs okay, so come to lunch tomorrow, Yoon-woo.â
Perhaps the reason why she didnât open the door was because her room was in a similar situation to Ji-eunâs room on the day he went to see a movie.
Even if you want to move your luggage, in this case it will be more problematic to keep wandering around here.
âHuh⌠⌠. See you tomorrow.â
His heart fluttered several times at Hye-rimâs angry face all day today, but at the end of the day, he came back to her smiling face so he was able to put his heart at ease.
Besides, she said that in the future, she would not do him a favor that would involve a financial burden.
Still, he cannot forget what he has already received.
Yoon-woo returned to his room, thinking that he would have to think about how to pay off the debt for the 38,000 won steak that he ate at Tour De Gusto, the coffee and the macarons when the money comes in next month.
[Now, really, you wonât deny that that girl has feelings for you, right?]
âWell⌠⌠Isnât that just the feeling of helping a friend in need?â
[Wow⌠⌠crazy guy⌠⌠]
âBunny, did you drink today?â
[I didnât drink because of you but Iâm craving for alcohol.]
âThat noona who is close to Hye-rim drinks a lot of alcohol like you, so she takes care of her every day. I would do the same to you.â
[Why donât you expect something? Donât you feel anything for her? Maybe that girl is too bad?]
âNo? Sheâs a very pretty girl.â
[Uh, is she that pretty? And still, you donât want to do anything with her?]
âWhy should I go on a track that has no future. Iâm going to die after three years with you anyway.â
[What if she really likes you? If you get along well with her, you can live happily with her without dying, right?]
âUh? Why⌠⌠. are you saying that?â
[Huh? What?]
âDonât you want to die with me?â
[I do.]
âThen why are you talking about having a good life with that girl? Perhaps⌠⌠. Now you donât want to die with me?â
[Huh?! NO! Thereâs no way I donât want to die with you, okay?]
âThen why do you keep talking about these other girls? Sheâs got nothing to do with us, right? But, you keep saying that that girl has a heart for me, and you keep saying things like that.. ⌠.â
[Uh⌠⌠Well⌠⌠Thatâs not it⌠⌠.I really want you to resolve that you want to die with me of your own will.]
âHuh? What does that mean? Right now, am I not resolved enough to die with you of my own free will?â
[No. Like now, if you deny relationships possibilities other than dying with me and ignore all relationships with other people, can we really say that you chose me of your own will? Maybe itâs just because you donât know other possibilities? There are other possibilities that I can think of, but if I leave you who donât know any of them, it means Iâve kept you from seeing other people, right? I really want you to choose me by your own will, because you really have to die to love me.]
âNo, thereâs no other possibility. There is not even one. Iâll pick you no matter what.â
[To paraphrase it, Tofu seems to be trapped in a forest where only apples are seen. You donât know any other fruits besides apples. Thatâs why you think apples are the best without knowing there are other fruits. I want you to tell me that apples are the best, after coming across many other fruits in the forest.]
âSo, you are an apple?â
[Right. So donât just look at me, and get along with the people who are approaching you. And then if you think Iâm the best choice for you, tell me.Thatâs what I want.]
âI think your analogy is wrong. I donât think Iâm in a position to choose anyone, am I? Rather, I am worried that I will not be chosen by you.â
[Why are you worried about that again? I only have you.]
âActually⌠I kept thinking. Youâre the only one I have, and according to your analogy, Iâve been living alone in the apple tree forest. What if Bunny hates me? I live alone in an apple tree forest, and if an apple turns a blind eye to meâŚâŚ.â
[I wonât do that.]
âWhy canât you do that? You havenât even met me. What if youâre disappointed when you meet me?â
[ I can say the same to you too, canât I? Youâve also not met me. ]
âI know that you are a considerate and sweet person. No matter what I look like when you meet me, your attitude will never change.â
[Thank you for looking at me like that. Iâd have to agree with you. The way I treat you wonât change.]
âBut if you meet me in person and say no because you donât like my appearance or behaviorâŚâŚ.â
[You are doing this again. I wonât do that. Never. I believe you, but why canât you believe me?]
ââŚIâve been very relieved to have you. I feel very different after meeting you. I can fall asleep talking to you at night, thinking Iâm not alone even when I die. Before that, I thought someone would find me if I died in a small room alone. Even after death, the maggots would decay my body so badly that the people would not be able to get close to the body because it is nauseating. But wouldnât it be different if I could be with you? Wouldnât it be okay if there were two rotten bodies together? I was able to live a little comfortably with that thought. But⌠Iâm so nervous these days.â
[Whatâs there to be nervous about?]
âAfter three years, I meet you in a street with briquettes, and you look at me and say, âIâve been wasting my time contacting this kind of guy.â What if you feel disappointed and leave? With how much Iâve relied on you, Iâll be much more miserable than when I decided to die alone. Then can I light the briquettes alone? Without you, I will hate to do things that Iâve done with you.Maybe youâll take a different approach. I sometimes dream like that these days. Feeling miserable, I went deep into the mountains and looked for the right tree.âŚ.â
[Stop! Stop it, you idiot. If thatâs what you think, why donât we just meet now? Why donât we meet and make sure Iâm not disappointed in you?]
âHuh? Now? Itâs 10 p.m.â
[Iâm not saying to meet right now.How about this Sunday morning?]
âUhâŚâŚ that is fine. But Iâm still scared.â
[Iâm going to meet you and fix your mind! Then Iâll see you at 9 a.m. on Sunday at Bordeaux Baguette in front of Anam Station.]
TL/n: [ Bordeaux: Baguette brand / Baguette: a long, narrow French loaf. ]
âHuh? How did you know that I live near Anam Station? I havenât said anythingâ.
[Tofu goes to an archaeological college, right?]
âYesâŚâŚ I didnât say that either.âŚ.â
[I heard you said the rerun of Inside Out on Sunday.]
âI did. Why?â
[I searched and found that there was only one rerun theater near Shun University. There are two womenâs universities nearby, but you wouldnât go there, would you?]
âOhâŚâŚ I see.â
[Instead, you said it doesnât matter what I look like, so Iâm going to cover my face. I will wear a mask and sunglasses. Anyway, I just have to let you know that Iâm not disappointed to see you, right?]
âYesâŚ. Do it. By the way,arenât you coming too far? We have three years left and we donât have to meet so soonâŚâŚ.â
[Itâs okay. I actually live near there.]
âOh, really? What a coincidence.â
[Right? Isnât it amazing? Then go to bed now.]
âYeah, I got it. Bunny, good night.â
Yoon-woo closed his eyes quietly and thought about his day without taking his usual medicine.
As expected, Bunny is a good person.
Come to think of it, Bunny accepted Yoon-wooâs voice as nothing.
Really, wouldnât she be disappointed with Yoon-woo even if she met him in person?
I still didnât feel love for Bunny, but even if I involuntary has feelings for her, I donât need kiss or sex like other men anyway.
What Bunny said before is right.
If there is someone standing next to you who is ready to die as soon as you die, someone next to you when you are on a deathbed and looking back on a bitter and lonely life⌠That is love.
Death is love.
The love of a living person has an expiration date.
If Romeo and Juliet were married without dying, they might have become a couple who would have thought about seperating one day.
Bunny repeatedly told him to get along with Hye-rim, but if she treats him the same way even after meeting Yoon-woo in person, other possibilities are good.
Letâs say Hye-rim really has a crush on Yoon-woo, as Bunny said.
What does that mean? For Yoon-woo, love is a desperate thing.
If he cannot dampen his dry throat, he would die drinking salty seawater.
On the other hand, Hye-rim is a person who can choose anything.
Even if she chooses Yoon-woo out of all the love given to her on a whim, she will slowly get bored and deny Yoon-wooâs habits and personality one by one.
Then, Yoon-woo will be in pain for a long time, like a person who is dying from dehydration after drinking seawater, and then begs for love that does not have much left.âŚ.
Yoon-woo didnât want to be like that.
If youâre going to die anyway, itâs better to jump into the sea neatly than to die after drinking sea water.
If you keep enduring your thirst in your mind, you can die faster and more comfortably.
Yoon-woo, who was heartbroken when he thought deeply, eventually swallowed the sleeping pills and soon fell asleep.
In the dream, Yoon-woo hung himself on a branch of an apple tree and he was happy.
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