After story 2 It’s Okay to Blow Off the Candle

“Mr. Kim Jiho, I am impressed by how specific and clear your goals and plans are. However, compared to the other applicants, you have nothing to show for it in terms of paperwork or experience, so it’s all talk. What is it about you that we should see potential in?”

There were three interviewers and three applicants in the room. Among them, I was the youngest and had the least experience.

The interview was more relaxed than I expected. They didn’t ask for specific, challenging knowledge, and mainly asked about my motivation for applying and my plans after graduating. I had prepared for these questions with Yeon Woojeong beforehand, so it wasn’t difficult, but compared to the applicants on either side of me, who had relevant work experience, I truly was all talk. And I didn’t expect it to be pointed out to me.

I honestly didn’t know what to say. Although I did a good job answering, I had a strong feeling that I was going to fall as I listened to the other answers. I clasped my hands together to keep them from squirming. What if I fail? The thought flashed through my mind.

“If my words have made an impression on you… I think that’s my possibility.”

Yeon Woojeong said that I should be confident when I’m cornered in an interview. He said that I shouldn’t be outrageously challenging, but I should act like I have something. I had spoken of bravado despite having nothing, but I didn’t think it was a very good answer. I could tell by the look on the interviewers’ faces.

I felt like I wouldn’t get in. Although the competition wasn’t that high because this wasn’t a university, but a vocational institute, it wasn’t that easy to get in because the tuition was all free. These negative thoughts started to weigh heavily on my mind.

I didn’t assume that it would work out, that I would get accepted. Getting rejected after such high expectations would be a huge disappointment. I sighed as I walked out of the interview. I wondered what I should do if I failed. Is it unrealistic to look for a job right away? Yeon Woojeong told me that it was okay to take a break this year while I was preparing to apply to the institute as soon as I got my GED results, but since I had a long hiatus after leaving home, I wanted to do it as fast as possible.

I wanted to boast to Yeon Woojeong that I did well in the interview right away, but too bad.

I should have just come alone. I felt awkward thinking about Yeon Woojeong waiting for me in the parking lot. I knew he wouldn’t be disappointed in me because I didn’t nail the interview, but I was eager to show him a good side of me he wouldn’t expect. I had already shown him my lowest side, so… my best, how far could I climb up, I wanted to show him that too. Though I guess that’s still a long way off.

By the time I reached the parking lot, I relaxed my expression. I felt a little better when I saw Yeon Woojeong’s car.

I got into the car, and he reached into the backseat and pulled out a single, beautifully wrapped mauve rose and a box and handed them to me. I took them, staring at Yeon Woojeong stupidly, and he smiled.

“Good job.”

It was a normal, common thing to say, but strangely enough, it stabbed me in the heart when it was him who said it. I didn’t do much. I really didn’t do anything.

I removed the lid of the box, and there were chocolates. There were fifteen square chocolates, all with different decorations on top. I stared down at the chocolates, then buried my nose in the flower. The rose smelled fresh.

“Mr. Yeon. I didn’t do well. I think I’m going to fail.”

I looked up and locked eyes with Yeon Woojeong. He only stroked me with a warm gaze, a light smile on his face.

I’ve always been a pessimist because I was more used to failing than being disappointed. Because I could see the end.

When I put the rose down, the scent still lingered in my nose. The realization struck me naturally.

“I just need to do better next time, right?”

I had next time. There were chances, time and way. Yeon Woojeong’s smile deepened. He affirmed without answering.

***

“Argh, Jiho.”

Lee Cheolwoo pressed his cheek against the beer mug and whimpered. The 500 ml beer mug looked like a toy in his hands.

The surrounding noise drowned out his whining. But often his voice was loud enough to cut through the noise.

“Am I really, that bad?”

Lee Cheolwoo was dumped today by his girlfriend, whom he was desperately in love with. He said that she dumped him because she didn’t see him as a man. I had no idea what he was like in front of his girlfriend, but honestly, I thought he deserved to be dumped sometimes. But I didn’t say it out loud. I just reached out and patted him on the shoulder.

He was simple, whiny, sometimes unreasonable and annoying, but he was a good guy. So I didn’t want to say anything bad to him. He was also the first friend I made after entering the institute, and I often had much fun with him, and I was learning a bit about human relations through him.

We clashed in some respects, but I decided to try to get along instead of just avoiding and ignoring him like I did when I was in school. Since I hung out with Ham Yoonah and Yoon Suyoung when I was in cram school, I realized that it was fun in its own way.

Honestly, I had no interest in other people’s love lives at all. Lee Cheolwoo talked too much about his girlfriend, and I hated the atmosphere of the bar. But what was in front of me was coke and the best thing about Lee Cheolwoo was that he didn’t force me to drink.

“I’ll forget her. I’ll get over her!”

“Yeah, forget her.”

Lee Cheolwoo, tears streaming down his face, raised his glass of beer, so I clinked my glass of coke against his. He downed the rest of his beer.

“I’ve been talking about myself too much. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Let’s talk about something else. That’s right, MT! You’re coming, right?”

(T/N: MT; membership training. A common event in university in South Korea. A socializing event; mostly to get to know each other.)

Ah. MT.

After a month of enrollment, I had roughly familiarized myself with the people in my class. However, since it wasn’t a university, we were all in different age groups, and we only socialized with our peers. Therefore, the head of the department suggested an MT to get to know everyone better. The plan was to go to a pension in the afternoon after the lecture on Friday, hang out, and come back the next morning.

It wasn’t mandatory to attend, but it felt like it. No one seemed to want to miss it, and even Lee Cheolwoo kept chanting “MT! MT!”.

Honestly, I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to stay overnight, and I didn’t like the idea of socializing. I didn’t like everyone in the class, and I didn’t like the custom that alcohol was always a part of any adult gathering.

“I don’t want to go.”

“Argh, whyyy! Without you, I have no friends.”

Bullshit. The most outgoing person in the class was Lee Cheolwoo. He would probably have more fun than anyone else even if I didn’t go with him.

“You have a lot of friends.”

“But I’m closest to you. I can’t enjoy it without you.”

Sometimes I was amazed at Lee Cheolwoo. I, myself, didn’t think it would be fun to play with me, but like a child, he called me his best friend and wanted to do everything with me.

“This could be our first and last MT. Let’s make some memories. Okay? Okay?”

“I like sleeping at home. Aren’t you going to drink more?”

“Huh? I’ll drink. Excuse me!”

I tried to distract him with a new glass of beer, but it didn’t work. As he drank, Lee Cheolwoo continued to sing about how much fun MT would be. His eyes glistened as if the time he cried about being dumped by his girlfriend had never happened.

He rambled on that we would play games, cook, talk, and get to know each other. None of these things appealed to me. My least favorite part was having to stay overnight. Since moving into the new house with Yeon Woojeong, neither he nor I had ever stayed overnight.

It’s always good to try something new, but… I wonder if I should have to experience this. I wanted to know what Yeon Woojeong would think of this.

My phone vibrated by the time Lee Cheolwoo’s face flushed and he got sluggish.

[Are you still drinking?]

I texted back that I was about to leave. It was 9 p.m., so it was time to go home.