They say kindness comes from money.

Since he had no money, the kindness that I had fallen for at first had long since disappeared.

He was ruthless to me as if he had become a completely different person.

He listened to what I said half-heartedly and always ignored me, saying, “Shut up!”

“Why is a b*tch who can’t even get money meddling?”

“Why don’t we sell our remaining estate and go to Riverrun Island? Let’s go there and start over. My father might help us a little if you show him how hard you’ve been trying all this time.”

“Are you bragging that you’re from a duke’s family? So are you telling me to go all the way there and beg your father?”

He raged like a madman with all sorts of swear words and threw the furniture all over the house. There are only a few pieces of decent furniture.

When there were no more objects left to throw, he shouted and insisted that I should apologize for trampling on his pride.

When things go like that, I sit in the middle of a messy room, surrounded by broken furniture. I want to end this fight somehow, so I apologize first.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Then go to Riverrun Island by yourself and get some more money.”

He never apologized afterward. After these fights were repeated, it felt like it was all my fault.

It was terrible.

This place was hell.

Before he was thirty, he had a serious illness and was bedridden.

It’s just a small house to say it’s a mansion, so one servant would be enough, but he said, “Why do you need a servant when you’re here?”

So during his illness, all of the household chores were my responsibility.

I, a gray-eyed woman who used to be the daughter of a duke’s family, and a useless wife who offended her husband and brought no money.

“You should at least do housework. That is the reason why you were born and live in this world. If not, what is your worth?”

He always said this. Even after waking up from the bed, Antoine nagged me with his natural cold temperament.

Life was only getting harder and harder.

When I was crying in my messy house, the Duke of Renal’s family gave us a large sum of money, saying that they would take over our family’s peach orchard. I wondered why the Renal family, which has more than 5,000 pyeong[1] of peach orchards on its vast territory at the southern end, would bother to buy the far-off orchard in the Güell estate, but anyway, we were able to make a living with the money. If things were a little more stable, I could hire a servant and relieve even a little of my workload.
[1] 16.530.000 m2

But it was too big a dream. The money lasted less than half a year. Antoine threw it all to the gambling table. Let alone a servant, now I had to do other people’s housework.

“Why? Do you still have any pride left? Are you saying you are from a duke’s family? If you don’t have money, you can get it from your own family.”

After throwing that much money away, Antoine didn’t even feel sorry. Looking at that nonchalant face, I wanted to kill him and die too.

It was my fortieth birthday. In front of my shabby house, in an unmaintained garden, there was a lush rose garden. Where did the 17-year-old man who handed me a rose and said he would always hug me tenderly?

The smell of roses disturbed my mind. In June, I remembered the vines of Riverrun on my doorstep, the rose field next to it, the corn field that made a sound of excellence when it swayed in the wind, and the lavender field that stretched endlessly to my home next to it.

When I closed my eyes, I felt the scent of lavender, which had been spreading softly that summer, tickled my nose again.

I made up my mind and went on my way. After walking for half an hour on the path from the house into the forest, there was also lavender here.

There were only a few sparse orchids that were hardly even called a field, but just looking at the pale purple flowers sticking out through the green grass made me feel better.

Normally, I don’t have time to come this far to see lavender, but today is my birthday.

I don’t have anyone to congratulate me or have a fancy dinner, but I still have flowers that bloom on time every June to celebrate my birthday. It comforts me.

After looking at the lavender for a long time, I returned home at sunset.

I wanted to pick up a few flowers, but the lavender over there was too precious for that. If it was picked just like that, it might soon disappear. Besides, it will wither soon though.

Antoine didn’t even ask where I had been. He probably doesn’t even know that today is my birthday. Even if he knew it, he wouldn’t care.

I went into my room and looked in the mirror. My withered face reveals the hardships of life and the hardships of my heart – eyes clouded with sorrow.

Who would think of me as one of Riverrun’s seven beautiful sisters?

But I couldn’t even blame Antoine. Because it was me who chose him.

Maybe it was because I still had a crush on him, or because he was the only person next to me, although it was hard because of Antoine, I wanted to be comforted by him.

All of this is a dream, and when I wake up again, won’t Antoine treat me as kindly as when I first met him? So maybe we can start over?

I hate that I still have such hopes. I hated myself for wanting to lean on Antoine at times.