Content warning: suicidal thoughts

Engraved (4)

Regardless of whether I wanted to or not, it was the type of relationship where we equally stole something from each other. That feeling of wanting to hate, criticize and scold the original, 17-year old Kang Sihyun remained all-too clear in my mind.

No one is happy when they die. Even if there were cases where reality was horrible that it would be better to die, few people would commit suicide because they were happy to die. I was more like the former.

But now, I don’t know which one is better.

“…”

Staring at my hands with deep, sunken eyes as if I had come back from the deep sea, slowly clenching my fists and raising my head. I looked at my reflection. My expressionless face looked like I wanted to distance myself from the Kang Sihyun I saw in my dream.

…I’d rather do nothing.

It seems like this is why movies or novels talk about not carelessly messing with fate. Gripping my clothes at my silly thoughts, I continued to breathe out a sigh.

Didn’t I just say I should just think simply?

Remembering the words of that guy that ruined my life, I left the bathroom and went back to my room. I kept my composure and looked around the room, a blue suitcase coming into sight. That suitcase wasn’t there before I went to bed.

Thinking about the 17-year old boy who asked me to treat his people nicely, I stared at the suitcase. Just as promised, I opened the suitcase and started to pack things I hadn’t been able to, like I was about to go somewhere.

While packing items that weren’t mine, I wanted to sort out my emotions.

This was unfair, absurd, hopeless and frustrating. However, as always, I was quick to resign.

I can’t even go back, so what can I do?
I couldn’t go back, but I couldn’t just recklessly die. It seemed like there was something I needed to find out. At least I need to know exactly what made Kang Sihyun choose this, how he knew me and how he got me to possess his body.

To die suddenly because there was no hope was ridiculously pitiful for 17-year old Kang Sihyun.

I couldn’t help but sympathize with him.

“Hah…”

I wondered how it had come to this situation, and as I was packing my things with complicated emotions, the sun started to rise, perhaps because I had been vomiting in the bathroom for quite some time. It was already dawn.

Finally, I put a thin T-shirt into the suitcase and zipped up the bag. When I picked up my phone and checked the screen, I saw the date March 3, 2019. The date I saw before I got hit by a car was a different year. Accepting that minor difference slowly, I laid on the bed.

The soft mattress sunk. I looked at the familiar yet unfamiliar ceiling until I got used to it, and slowly closed my eyes.

It is often said that in life, you have to set goals, especially since milestones are part of a person’s life.

When I was ‘Yoo Sihyun’, my goal was to graduate safely from college and get a job at a good company. Suddenly remembering my sister’s face, I reflected on the fact that I should remember her face, so I internally buried it in a small box.

Now, to focus on the present.

Recalling brief memories as Kang Sihyun with my eyes closed, I narrowed my forehead, preparing to face the Four Great Heavenly Kings one by one.

First of all, I wanted to live a normal life.

It would be a normal and harmonious life if I had normal friends, talk about normal things and enjoy a normal, daily life without being involved with the Four Great Heavenly Kings and so on. However…

A dual class with a copy ability…

I pursed my lips and wrinkled my forehead. I felt a headache coming over me over this difficult situation.

I wanted to live a normal life, but this damn body isn’t normal. Starting with myself, I am not normal, so how on Earth can I live a normal daily life?

Sighing at the difficult task, I stood up and stared at Dawoon’s house through the window. Kang Sihyun’s voice rang in my ear like a hypnosis.

If I had to live in this body anyway, I should at least listen to Kang Sihyun’s request. If I were to be a little greedy, I would want to live as normally as possible whilst taking care of Haru-hyung.

If normality wasn’t possible, I could at least live a life where I could protect my people, like before, so I wouldn’t miss out and regret it.

That was the goal for now.

Thinking that far, I looked at the calendar hanging in the corner of the room.

March 3, 2019.

After wandering for so long, today was the day when Yoo Sihyun decided to live as ‘Kang Sihyun’.